Life after Congo

Unjin Lee

In the new movie, Blood Diamond, there is a scene that keeps running through my mind. It is a scene between Leonardo DiCaprio's character, Danny Archer and Maddy Bowen, played by Jennifer Connolly. The film is set in Sierra Leone, during the outbreak of civil war in the mid 90s. The conflict is rooted in the illegal extraction of diamonds and Danny Archer plays a diamond smuggler. Maddy Bowen is the idealistic American journalist who is trying to get the real story behind the diamond trade. Maddy is trying to convince Danny to help her; and he almost falls for her beautiful face and charm, until he finds out that she is a journalist. He asks her, "How long have you been in Africa?", to which she replies, "three months." He scoffs and says something like,"You Americans, you come with your miniature bottles of hand sanitizer and your month's supply of malaria medicine and you think you can save Africa."

I traveled to the Democratic Republic of Congo for three weeks in October and November. Hand sanitizer? Check. Malaria medicine? Check. Save Africa? Of course not. I would never seek to be so presumptuous... would I? In the two months since I have been home from DR Congo, I have had sweeping moments of feeling like a failure. Of feeling like I let someone down. I have had dreams and nightmares of the women we met, happiness over my own comfort here at home now plagued by the extreme violence and distress I witnessed first-hand. These feelings have made me realize that a large part of me thought I would come home and make a difference for the women of Congo. Not save them, but effect some sort of tangible change? When I meet with the friends and family members who gave me financial support, there is a part of me that wants to tell them that we accomplished something. That there is a return on the investment they made. Let me say that none of my supporters have ever asked for anything "in return" and all have only offered their continued support and desire to learn more about the situation in DR Congo. I realize these feelings and pressures of mine are self-imposed; perhaps results of my Korean need to pay respect and my American need to give results.

When I feel close to being overwhelmed, I reflect back on the strength of the Congolese women. I realize that feeling guilt or despair are often luxuries that our Congolese sisters do not have. While I vacillate between my own guilt and desire to effect change, there are thousands of Congolese women getting up every morning and heading to their fields with the real threat of being gang raped before the day is over. While I ponder whether or not a speaking engagement or letter to a Congress person or Senator really makes a difference, there are thirteen year-old Congolese girls being forced into sexual slavery. When I put off reading Human Rights Watch and International Rescue Committee Reports online, there are doctors, social workers and teachers at HEAL Africa working tirelessly for the health and safety of hundreds of rape survivors who come by foot, bus and plane to find shelter and shade.

I know there are different cycles of grief. Perhaps this guilt and despair is a part of that, but I finally feel ready to accept the invitation to move forward. This invitation was really extended to me upon arriving in Congo; it was an invitation by these women to listen to their stories, to share in their suffering, to be their voice in places they are not heard, but also to receive their strength, their sisterhood, to enjoy their culture. This invitation was also extended to me by the many ex-pats and missionaries who have made their home in DR Congo and by the Congolese friends who have made their home in North America. All of these friends have invited me to share in what is now, "life after Congo." A life marked by seeing a people's resilience in the midst of atrocious suffering and a life marked by a level of love and hospitality that can only be experienced in Congo. It has taken me a while to accept this invitation, because with its acceptance comes commitment and longevity, two things I am just not good at. It is a commitment to not allow Congo to be my "hobby" but to integrate the advocacy for peace in DR Congo into my whole life. Really, it is an invitation to friendship and who am I to say no to that?

Unjin Lee traveled to Goma with Christian Peacemaker Teams, an organization dedicated to nonviolence peacemaking.